Teaching and Learning are Synonymous

All the music I write is a search for myself ~ Bruce Hornsby

In a Buddhist text an author confessed, “I have no pretension that I am writing this book for any purpose other than my own awakening. ” This brought realization that I, too, write primarily for the healing of my own mind and spirit. I was surprised to find that countless artists agree that even if no one else ever read their books, saw their paintings, or listened to their music, all of their efforts would be worth the sheer joy of producing the work.

To whom are your creative efforts directed? Do you write, sing, or dance for worldly approval, or are you hearkening to the inner writer, singer, or dancer calling to express and celebrate?

Perhaps we teach what we need to learn? Sometimes teachers are reluctant to admit that they need to study what they are teaching, but that is the very reason we are in a particular position. 

A fitting story; a famous relaxation technique was developed by a renowned psychologist, this man was described as, “most uptight person ever met. ” Was he a hypocrite? Not necessarily. If you teach what you have mastered, even while you’re learning more, you are in integrity. The technique this man developed for his own healing helped many people who applied it.

Your right place is the one in which you are receiving the most edification. The fact that other people receive a benefit is the icing on the cake. Do what is healing to our spirit, and without effort we will offer the world healing in return.

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Excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Your Individual Destiny

At a restaurant, I noticed a couple enjoying what looked like some very tasty garlic toast. When I asked the waitress for an order of the same, she answered, “I’m sorry, the garlic toast comes only with the dinner.”

“Would it be possible to order some as a side order?” I persisted.

She looked puzzled. “I don’t know if that’s ever been done.”

“Then perhaps this is our opportunity to change history and create a new destiny,” I suggested. She smiled, went into the kitchen, and soon returned with a dish of piping hot garlic toast.

We can transform our lives by changing the way we think about possibilities. We are prone to picture our future as an extension of our past. But we have no guarantee at all that our future will be anything like our past. The nature of a consciousness shift is the release of an old belief system, replacing it with a new and grander one. Just when you think you know it all, life comes along and says, "Here, let me show you a bigger universe!" Thank God we do not know it all; if we did, we would be in big trouble, for most of what we know has made us small. Be grateful that the universe is willing to take away your impotence and replace it with magnitude. 

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

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Excerpt taken from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life

Time to Be Free!

When one of Albert Einstein’s students asked him to explain his abstruse theory of relativity in a way that anyone could understand, he answered, “A day spent with a beautiful woman seems like a moment; an hour at a job you hate feels like an eternity.” Einstein was teaching that our experience of time is determined by the consciousness we are in. Since time is an illusion invented by the human intellect, it is entirely pliable, expanding or contracting to reflect the thoughts we are holding at the time.

We always have enough time to do what needs to be done. Thoughts of “not enough time ” are born of fear and a consciousness of lack. The ego fabricates the belief in lack of time as a sleight of hand to move us away from peace. If we make peace our first priority, all things that need to be taken care of in time will be handled.

We are always free in this moment. It is only when we haul the past or future into the now that we feel bound. Practice surfing on the energy of the now. If you become seduced by past or future thoughts, remind yourself that all is well right now. Handle whatever is before you, and leave the rest for another time or another way.

When we live in love, miracles happen that defy the laws of time. Ultimately, time becomes irrelevant, and, as Jesus stated, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Prisoners are colloquially described as “doing time. ” If you are a servant of time rather than letting time serve you, you are a prisoner. Break free of your watch, and bask in the glory of the present moment. Bring more activities that you love into your world, and you will be a millionaire of time.

Unbeatable

Excerpt taken from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

"One of my favorite movie characters is played by Gene Wilder in Stir Crazy. Harry is a man who is perpetually happy, and nothing that anyone says or does can remove his joy. Thrown in prison for a crime he did not commit, Harry is the object of the prison officials’ campaign to break him into the mold. After the guards hang Harry by his wrists for several days, they return to find him with a big smile on his face. “Thank you!” he exclaims. “You’ve finally solved my back problem!”

Next, the officials toss Harry into the hot box, a tiny tin enclosure in the sweltering sun. When they extract him, he begs, “Oh, please, could you give me just one more day was just starting to get into myself.” Finally, they throw Harry into a cell with Grossburger, a 300-pound crazed murderer who even the most hardened criminals avoid like the plague. When the guards return, they find Harry and Grossburger on the floor laughing over a game of cards. Harry just chose joy, and let all else revolve around his choice.

No one can take away your happiness unless you give it to them. People may say all manner of things about you or try to hurt you, but unless you choose to be hurt, they cannot rob you of your good. They are making choices that determine their happiness, just as you are choosing yours. When we feel hurt by another, we are only hurting ourselves. It is said that “offense is something you can only take but never give. ”

Experiment with finding blessings wherever you go. Quickly you will discover that using a vision of love is far more empowering than one of loss. In love you are unbeatable".

My happiness depends on me.

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Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another ~ Madonna

Be More Than a Juggler, Be Present

I remember a television entertainer who balanced spinning plates on thin wooden sticks. At first his act looked easy as he added one plate at a time to the array Then his job became tense and hilarious as he tried to keep all the teetering plates spinning without letting them fall and crash.

Many of us try to do so many things at once that we don’t get any of them done well. Instead of expanding with creative joy, we succumb to “Management by Emergency. ” We say yes to more than we can handle and then spend most of our time putting out fires. We take on so many projects that we cannot give any of them the attention they deserve, and we leave ourselves overworked, exhausted, ineffective, and sometimes ill.

When my mother was in the hospital, she was very unhappy. Her biggest complaint was that no doctor would give her quality time; her physicians would rush in and out and treat her like an item on an assembly line. One day I went to visit her and she was beaming. “I saw the nicest doctor today!" she said. "He sat down with me, and answered all my questions patiently. Now I feel peaceful.”

To be a true teacher, minister, parent, business person, or healer,  you will gain more in the long run by giving your clients quality attention. To be successful, no matter what your vocation, you must be fully present with whatever you’re doing. Life is best lived one wholehearted moment at a time.

My presence is the present.
I give my whole heart, and I find true reward.

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Excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Experience Differentiation Without Experiencing Division

Is it necessary for you to be out of your mind to find God? No. We are not required to ‘abandon’ our Mind to connect with our Soul and find Divinity. And that’s the good news on this day.

(written by "Blitz")

The French always say you can tell a foreigner on the Metro because they are smiling. The other day I had a beautiful learning experience. I was smiling on a somewhat crowded Metro with only a seat here and there available. At one of the stops nine people got on together, seven were smiling and haltingly walking to find a seat along with their two unsmiling “Chaperons.” They dispersed to find seats and, to my amazement, as they would sit down the people next to and across from them would get up and leave—with the exception of myself and one other person. [de-harmonized energy that caused uncomfortableness, thus caused division]. These seven beautiful souls had a lesson to teach all of us. They were challenged…and yet, they were happy, loving and kind to everyone. Their movement was somewhat erratic, their speech not totally coherent, and yet there was a sparkle in their eyes and love in their hearts. They showed love for one another and everyone. One was enamored with his glove and held it to his cheek and kissed it. Another with a button. Some people would say that they were “out of their minds.” My questions are: Do we have to be out of out minds (and into our souls) to show love and compassion? And are those of us who do “foreigners”?

Answers to two questions, are: a qualified “Yes” to the first, and a qualified “No” to the second.

In a sense, we do have to be “out of our Minds” to show the level of love and compassion that transcends ourselves and extends out to all the world, to the entire Universe, and to God. Yes, you have to be “into your Soul.” Yet in order to be “into your Soul,” you have to use your Mind.

The Mind is the Doorway to the Soul.

And so, the idea is not to be, literally, “out” of your Mind, but rather, to give your Mind a chance to get out of its own way; to give your Mind the instruction and the opportunity to refocus its attention.

The purpose and function of the Mind, remember, is survival. The Mind is a mechanism, a marvelous tool, which we have given ourselves in order to ensure our survival in the Body for as long as we need in order to do what our Soul came to physicality to do. Our Soul came to physicality in order to have a Direct Experience of Who and What It Really Is. And Who and What is this?

The Soul is an Individuation of Divinity. A Singularization of The Singularity. An Aspect of God, expressing in Differentiated Form. It wishes to know Itself as that, and it uses physical life as the means by which that wish is fulfilled.

The Mind can be of great assistance to us in this endeavor. But the first thing we must learn to do is instruct the Mind to ignore its original mandate. We must make it clear to our Mind that survival is no longer the issue. This was the issue only so long as it took for us to realize that this is not the issue. (Or, in other words, until we evolved enough in our Awareness to become clear that our survival is guaranteed.) We could not become clear about this, of course, unless and until we became equally clear about Who We Really Are.

If we imagine that we are our Body, or think that we are our Mind, or some combination of the two, we will be unable to embrace the notion that our eternal survival is guaranteed. Only the Soul knows that It Lives Forever. Yet, you cannot attempt to be “out of your Mind” in order to get to this information, which lies in the Soul, because the Mind is incapable of turning itself off. You will always be thinking of something so long as you are in the physical.

And so, it is not a question of whether you will be thinking, but of what. This is a matter of focus. There is not an On/Off switch in the Mind…but there IS a Focus Ring, as one might find on an expensive camera. You can focus in what is near, or you can focus on what is far.

The trick is not to turn off the camera, but to focus on what is far. That is, not on what is right in front of it, in day-to-day considerations and experience. This can be done through meditation. In meditation, one takes one’s Mind off of the daily world of illusion and focuses on the distant reality of one’s eternal and everlasting Being.

Now to the second question. Are those of us who do this, “foreigners?” Well, yes and no.

“No” in the sense that when we focus on the distant reality of our True Being we have, in fact, come home. We have realized that we are never foreigners anywhere; that it is impossible for us to be foreigners any place in the Universe and beyond.

“Yes” in the sense that, as we mingle among our Others here in our daily environment, we may feel as Strangers in a Strange Land. The Illusion of our Earthly life may cause us to appear and feel different from others and different to others. Yet this is both to be expected and accepted, since Differentiation was the whole point of becoming physical.

The trick here is to experience Differentiation without experiencing becoming Divided. What happened on that bus, is division, not differentiation. So long as the fingers are attached to the body, they can in no way be divided from each other. Yet that can be, and are, differentiated.

Our job, then, is to remain attached to the Body.

I speak, of course, of the Body of God. We are each as fingers in the Body of God, part of the hands that are doing the work of Divinity. When we forget this, our opportunity and invitation is to remember. That is, to re-member ourselves. To become a member once again of the Body of God.

As written by Neale Donald Walsch

It is so true that those of us who remember our divinity and become expressions of that on earth can sometimes feel very devided from the masses, however I choose in my life to focus on being truly authentic and surrounding myself with others who understand as I do. In saying this I also feel it my calling to reach out an shed light upon those struggling to see it ~ Shane

It's What's Inside That Counts

(excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life)

What should it profit a man if he gains the world but loses his soul? ~ Jesus Christ

... "As a boy, my idol was baseball star Mickey Mantle. Along with millions of other kids, I dreamed of playing centerfield for the Yankees, slamming home runs over the fence to the tune of a huge crowd’s roar of adoration, and winning the Most Valuable Player Award. Several years ago, I saw an interview with Mickey Mantle after he had come out of the Betty Ford Clinic. I was stunned to learn that my hero had succumbed to a long and grisly bout with alcoholism. The interviewer asked the former star, nearing death due to liver damage, "How would you like people to remember Mickey Mantle? ”

With great humility, he answered, “I would like people to think that I finally made something of myself.”

Finally? I couldn’t believe my ears! If anybody had ever made anything of himself, I thought, it was Mickey Mantle, the most loved and respected athlete of an entire generation. The Mick was the king. Yet, through his eyes, all his stardom was for naught in the face of his losses to drink. To Mickey Mantle, overcoming his alcoholism was a far greater achievement than all the home runs he’d ever hit.

All worldly glory pales in comparison to spiritual awakening. Mickey Mantle mastered his lesson of a lifetime when he graduated from the Betty Ford Clinic. No matter what accolades we achieve in the outer world, it is our inner life we need to come to terms with. Although he had all the laurels a man could dream of, Mickey Mantle found peace only when he found himself.

Should you be tempted to trade inner peace for worldly glory, remember the Mick. It’s what’s inside that counts."

Help me remember where my true peace lies.

I am a spiritual being.
I nourish my spirit and I am fed.

http://www.janeleavy.com/253

I Am Bigger Than Fear!

Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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“May I speak to you for a moment?” the older woman asked the young hunk on the beach.

“Well, I was hoping to have some quiet time,” he replied.

“I won’t bother you—I just need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

She pulled her beach towel next to his. “I need to talk to you because I am afraid to,” Beverly confessed. “I feel too shy to speak to good-looking men who are younger than I am. When I saw you today, I wanted to talk to you, but I felt anxious. So I had to do this to break my sense of 'I can’t'”.

The man thanked Beverly for her honesty, and the two engaged in pleasant conversation. Then she excused herself and walked away, stronger than she was when she approached him.

Fear tells us that we are small, powerless, and separate. Love affirms that we are great, creative, and connected. Which voice do you choose to be your guide?

The way to dissolve a limit is to step right up to it and look it in the eye. When we shine the light on the darkness, we see that the thing we ran from had power over us only as long as we kept it at a distance. When we face what frightens us, we discover that we are bigger than it is.

We can do anything we choose; we were not born to live in fear, but in love.

Namaste

Live by Choice, Be Firm

I was struck by an unusual ad in the classified section of the local newspaper: “Dodge truck for sale. $5,000 firm or best offer.” Was the price firm, or was the seller willing to negotiate? Apparently he couldn’t make up his mind.

Life will support us in our decisions, but we have to make a decision around which the universe can gather. Often it is better to make a wrong decision than no decision. If you make an error, you can either correct it or learn from it; in either case you will move ahead. If you make no decision, you will likely remain just where you are.

A friend of mine had an inspiring bumper sticker on her washing machine: Sin Boldly. I loved it! The message, as I understood it, was an advisory to live life with conviction and a whole heart. Be fully whatever you are. The Bible tells us that God “spews the lukewarm out of His mouth. ” If you are in life, then be fully in life. Don’t sit around wondering what you might do until it is too late to do anything. Will Rogers said, “You might be on the right track, but if you are sitting on it, you are going to get run over.”

Live by choice, not self-protection. Be active rather than reactive. Make a stand for your truth, and your truth will make a stand for you.

(excerpt taken from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life)

Resolve to Get Real

As written by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer (more from the Doc @ http://www.healyourlife.com/blogs)

Forget about those New Year’s resolutions in which you decide on the first day of January how you will be conducting your life in September, some nine months later. Here’s why: any resolution that involves you making decisions about long-range upcoming behavior reinforces the self-defeating notion of living in the future rather than in the present moment. In fact, you can go about resolving until the cows come home, and you still have to live your life just like everyone else on this planet—ONE DAY AT A TIME.

The important questions to be asking yourself are “How am I going to use my present moments this year?” and “Will I waste them in reviewing to myself how I used to behave, or how I would like to behave in the future, rather than resolving to live each day to the fullest?”

What you can do is set up day-to-day goals for yourself, and then resolve to begin living with present moment awareness for the rest of your life. For example, instead of deciding you are going to give up sugar for a year, resolve to go one day without eating sugar. Anyone can do virtually anything if it is for only one day. When you go for one whole day without eating sugar (or any other new behavior), you are a totally different person at the end of that day. Learn to let that totally different person decide on the second day whether he or she wants to do it again on this new day, rather than letting the same old person decide that it is only going to be difficult in a couple of days anyhow, “so what’s the use.” Always let the new you make the decision, and then you’ll be living your present moments.

You know how easy it is to give up on a resolution, and you may have attributed this to some character flaw or personality weakness. Not so! You give up on your resolutions because your mind resists the notion of trying to live your life in long stretches, when it is patently impossible to do so. It is simply a matter of asking yourself at the beginning of the day, “How do I want to conduct my life today?” Then very directly begin to carry out your goals for the day. When you get good at living your present moments one day at a time, you’ll see yourself changing right before your own surprised eyes.

Remember, anyone can do anything for just one day, so tune out the sentences that keep you locked into your old self-defeating ways and begin to enjoy each day of your bright new year.

Moving Out of Our Comfort Zones to Recognize Opportunity!

Compassion as an Opportunity

...waiting for the airplane to take off, I was happy to get a seat by myself. Just then, a flight attendant approached me and asked, "Would you mind changing your seat? A couple would like to sit together." The only other available seat was next to a woman with both arms in casts, a black-and-blue face, and a gloomy aura. No way am I going to sit there, was my immediate thought. But then a deeper, quieter voice spoke, “Opportunity.”

I took my new seat and discovered that Kathy had been in an auto collision, and she was on her way for therapy.

When the snack of nuts and juice arrived, it did not take me long to realize that Kathy would not be able to feed herself. I considered offering to feed her but resisted, as it seemed too intimate a service to offer to a stranger. But then I decided that Kathy’s need was more important than my discomfort. I offered to help her eat, and although she too was uncomfortable about accepting, she did.

The experience was exhilarating, and she and I grew close in a short period of time. By the end of the five-hour trip, my heart was fully alive, and the time was infinitely better spent than if I had just sat by myself.

I was very glad I had reached beyond my comfort zone to sit next to Kathy and feed her. Love always flows beyond human borders and dissolves the fears that keep us separate.

When we stretch to serve another, we grow to live in a larger, more rewarding world.

Moving beyond the small self helps us connect with the hearts of others. When we give love to another we feed our own souls.

(excerpt taken from Alan Cohen's "A Deep Breath of Life" book of meditation)

Experiment: Thinking Positively for 1 Year!

 As written by Liz the 'Experimenter' (http://thepositiveexperiment.com)

I have always had a mad love affair with Calvin and Hobbes

This New Year’s Eve I was catching up with my bff getting lunch, running errands, typical stuff. We were having a blast just walking around and getting things accomplished.  But HOLY COW, everyone else around us was so stressed out. I’ve never heard so many honking horns, been pushed by so many adults in a grocery store, and seen so many super sour faced people. It was like the day before Thanksgiving or the week before Christmas, minus all the holiday cheer. The general attitude I received was one of frustration and anger.

As much as I love that January 1st can signify a fresh start, man, oh, man, does the new year always bring out people’s worst behaviors and insecurities. It’s the time of the year where society as a whole, takes a good look at their lives and decides to point out what they dislike about themselves and then vow to change it: if I quit smoking I’ll be happy, if I lose those extra 10 pounds I’ll finally be attractive, etc.  I hate that there is this deadline that makes people freak out: I have to come up with a resolution by December 31st and stick with it or else! The worst part is when people try and change for a bit, quit, and then feel even more horrible about themselves. WORSTEVERS. I’d like to fart on whoever made up this concept of “New Year’s Resolutions.”

So here’s what I propose: F*ck New Year’s Resolutions

Why do we need one day out of the calendar year to make a change in ourselves? Why can’t we make every day a time to celebrate ourselves and get excited about change? I propose taking a moment out of your day to high five yourself for all the things you have accomplished. If you’d like to make a change, dream big and start small. Babies don’t just come out of the womb potty trained and being able to skateboard right off the bat. Changing a habit or learning a skill takes time. So, give yourself the permission to let yourself take the time you need to make changes in your life. Some people love to give themselves a time frame (my bf does). I personally am a little more organic, letting the wind take me where I may need to travel. Just go for it, whatever it feels right. Whatever motivates you in that moment, do it. You know yourself best and I’m guessing giving yourself an ultimatum on Dec 31st at midnight to change, might not ring true with your authentic self.

So have a happy and safe New Year’s celebration. And here’s to YOU being true to yourself, your process, and who you are.

A Patient's Journey: Living with Paranoid Schizophrenia

A valuable lesson in compassion and of non-judgement. Through Stuart Baker-Brown's story I am reminded that we are all equal. Mental illnesses do not make any one of us any more weak or any less of a person than one another. It's a pity it's quite often automatic for us to cast judgement or criticism due to a fear of the unknown.

Stuart Baker-Brown developed paranoid schizophrenia in 1991 and received a diagnosis in 1996. This is his story.

Moscow 1991

Paranoid schizophrenia took its strongest grip on me after I had visited the former Soviet Union in August 1991. During my visit I took part in the marching on the streets of Moscow against communism and against the communist hardliners who attempted a coup against Mikhail Gorbachev. During my stay I began to feel very stressed because of the political unrest and uncertainty. I marched with the people not because of any political beliefs but because of the vast importance and history of the occasion.

I can clearly remember the moment paranoia took its grip on me for the first time. One night after I had marched on the streets I was woken by a telephone call in my hotel room. To my surprise, a man on the other end was shouting and swearing at me in Russian. I immediately put the phone down. I was extremely worried, and my heart began to pound heavily. Within a few minutes I found myself feeling very anxious about being in Moscow alone and began to regret my involvement in the marching.

A Difficult Homecoming

On my return to London I felt sick with worry. I was panicking about the situation I had just returned from and became concerned about possible persecution by the KGB, being a foreigner involving myself in their country's business.

As I look back now, I feared the KGB not from any personal experience but from reputation and the negativity planted in my mind by “home beliefs” about the Soviet Union. The worry of the phone call in Moscow and fear of the KGB began to take a hold on my life. As I write these words, I can recall my paranoia and fear building up on a daily basis.

I tried to convince myself that I was under no threat and that my fears were unjustified, but I quickly began to be afraid of everyone and feared that my life was in danger. I did not know what to do. I had no idea that I could have paranoid schizophrenia; I did not even know what schizophrenia was.

Stress and paranoia began to take their toll. I quickly became confused in my thinking and obsessed that I was being followed. Often, when I got back to my bedsit after work I would huddle in the corner of the room in fear.

As the weeks passed and pressure took its toll, I had to take time off work. Anxiety and paranoia were now quickly and devastatingly beginning to run my life, and a deep rooted illness was setting in.

During this time I had my first and worst psychotic experience. It was an extremely frightening time and still scares me now as I think of it. As I lay on my bed trying to relax, I suddenly found myself in complete darkness. I had the experience of being physically vortexed into my own dark mind. I cannot truly explain what went on, but the feeling of it still terrifies me. I screamed to be let out, and as I screamed I found myself back on my bed with a strange sensation around my head. It was as though I was sucked into my own dark mind away from any life or reality. It was this type of experience that finally gave me the courage to approach a doctor. I was immediately signed off from work and referred for assessment with a psychiatrist in London. I was now at the beginning of my full blown illness, and I decided to leave London and move to Devon, where I thought it would be harder for the KGB to find me.

I found a suitable flat on the edge of Exmoor. It was a perfect place to hide away and try to cope with my illness. In retrospect, I think I was also hiding my state of mind from the public and my friends, ashamed that I might have a mental illness. It took me many years to understand that it was, in fact, a strength to admit my illness and seek help and more of a weakness to hide away from it.

Meeting the Enemy
In 1996, four years after leaving London and having moved away from Devon, I was finally diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia. I remember feeling relief, as though I had finally met with my enemy. Straight away, I researched paranoid schizophrenia and used information provided by the British mental health charity Rethink to start to learn about my illness. With information supplied by Rethink, I immediately related to symptoms such as voices, psychosis, false and irrational beliefs, thought disorder, suicidal thoughts, depression, lack of motivation, the feeling of being controlled by outside forces, and of course the paranoia and fear of persecution.

Before I received the diagnosis I had slipped into depression, which lasted for years. Because of depression and the lack of proper support from my local mental health trust, suicide began to be a real option for me. I could see no future and found little cause to stay alive. What hindered my life just as greatly as my schizophrenia was the mental health trust's attitude towards me and my illness.

Once diagnosed, I was told that I was a “service user” rather than a “patient.” My partner was not a partner but was labelled as my “carer.” When she became my wife, she was still referred to as my carer. I was unprepared for the weeks after my diagnosis, during which my psychiatric nurse told me that it was very likely that “I would never work again in my life” and that the rest of my life would probably be about “fighting to keep my schizophrenia under control.” I had never contemplated not working again and had always assumed that I would gain control over my illness and one day, sooner rather than later, be able to return to work.

These statements from my nurse threw me completely. More was to follow from the trust. My nurse told me that I had “to prove” that I could function as a normal member of society and that I would not be “a threat” to anyone. I was shocked by these words and this very poor attitude towards me and my illness. The demoralisation caused by my illness was complete, and soon after receiving my diagnosis I became a broken man. The trust's lack of proper care and understanding of my needs as a person with schizophrenia, and being treated more as a “condition” that needed controlling than a person who needed “understanding,” made sure of that.

A Bitter Pill

Unfortunately, the mental health trust's attitude towards me helped me to feel persecuted and stigmatised. Because I was treated as a possible threat, I myself began to believe that I was a threat and so withdrew from life. I was also treated as though my diagnosis was all I was capable of being and nothing more. So, for many years, I went through life feeling that I was not capable of any achievement beyond coping with my illness. This attitude from the trust stayed with me until I finally broke free in 2004. Indeed, it still haunts me to this day and holds me back from participating in society.

I was treated with various drugs over the years, but I did not find one that truly suited me until 2002. Then, and after much arguing, I was finally put on the treatment I am still on today. With my general practitioner's support, I am able to manage my illness effectively.

Coping with my illness has been very hard—with the paranoia, fears of life, delusions, depression, anxiety, physical illness, and all that comes with paranoid schizophrenia. Previous drug treatment and a lack of motivation caused me to become obese. Before diagnosis I weighed around 14.5 stone (92 kg). In 2001, on my wedding day, I weighed 26 stone (165 kg). I have also been diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes.

A Shoulder to Lean On

My illness can be very powerful, both creative and devastating, and has left me broken and demoralised on many occasions. The illness and the inability to function in normal life—such as work, socialising, or being able to communicate fully—knocked all confidence out of me and left me feeling worthless.

The right to be “able” to work properly, to have a mortgage, to create a family, to learn, to live, and to function in society was taken from me by schizophrenia. The opportunities so-called “normal life” gives to other people are taken away from those who have mental illness. Severe mental illness can take everything away and can offer only devastation in return.

After a long hopeless battle, I was introduced to a Rethink befriender, Paul Brown, who slowly and carefully began to guide me to the life I now lead. It took time, trust, and a lot of care. Paul shone a brighter light on my illness, very different from that shed by the mental health trust. He offered me great support and a refreshing outlook, which helped to change my life. I had often remarked to people that I had felt more “policed” than cared for by my psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse, an attitude that helped to cause me to withdraw from life altogether.

Paul was a volunteer trained by Rethink to work closely with me. When I had known him for a little while, my confidence began to grow. He helped to introduce me back into society by taking me out for a coffee or even shopping at Tesco. He also helped me to understand my illness better. Paul understood that I was not a threat to society and that I did have a value in life. He understood that my illness was a part of me and not the whole. He was a shoulder I could lean on, someone I could trust. His support was vital and has contributed greatly to the good frame of mind I find myself in today.

One Man's Mountain

I have always been determined to overcome my schizophrenia and to show that great personal goals can still be achieved be someone who has lived with such a demoralising and destructive illness. In 2003, having won a Winston Churchill Memorial Trust travel fellowship, I trekked to the base camp on Mount Everest, Nepal. While photographing Mount Everest from Mount Kala Pattar (5500 m), I realised that I might wish to climb Everest in the future. I was drawn to do this; it seemed as though it would be my fate.

In 2005, I travelled to Tibet and stayed at Rongbuk for a short while. From there, you can see Everest in all its magnificence. I knew then that I wanted to climb the great mountain, to help to prove to myself, society, and healthcare professionals that I should not have been written off from life and that we can overcome the severest problems and scale the greatest heights.

I travelled to Nepal again in March 2006, trekking to Mera Peak, a recognised and well used training ground for Everest. Sherpas provided mountaineering training, which I enjoyed very much. If I can secure funding for my 2007 expedition to Everest itself, I shall be climbing with Dorjee Sherpa, who has climbed Everest 19 times, and a team of sherpas that includes my friend Nuru Jangbu Sherpa. I will ensure that I am able to continue with my treatment throughout the expedition.

Evaluation

I have always accepted my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. What I refuse to accept is the label and the fears and misconceptions that are attached to it. I feel strongly that it has been the world of psychiatry, not society, that has discriminated and showed the least understanding of my illness. Paranoid schizophrenia is a greatly misunderstood illness, and misunderstanding from society and professional carers is harming many people who are already in much pain.

When I was given the diagnosis, my psychiatrist told my nurse that I was one of the severest cases of schizophrenia she had come across. With that statement, I should not be doing the things in life I am trying to achieve, such as attempting to climb Mount Everest next year. It is a shame that I feel I have to spell out that I am a good person who has never intentionally harmed anyone. Like other people with mental illness, I am intelligent, caring, loving, and creative, and I strive to be a good human being who yearns for a good, equal life, full of all the opportunities that any decent, respectful person deserves.

Too often these opportunities are taken from people with schizophrenia, because of our illness and because of the misunderstanding of our illness, our needs, and who we really are. I believe that the great misunderstanding of my illness and the discrimination and poor treatment I have received have been shameful and should not be accepted in the United Kingdom today. It has to change.

Destiny and Power of Will

As written by Sanjeev Verma (Astrology - A combination of cosmic oneness & will)

As we enter the world so many things affect our future in those precious moments of exposure to the world through our five senses and creating a permanent cosmic imprint on our mind and body contributing to our Destiny.

Destiny on the contrary to how it is popularly portrayed, is not a strict prediction of our future, but rather a “blueprint” or a foundation from which we can invoke our free will and make choices.

This true incidence in the life of a famous spiritual master in reference to destiny and power of will is a classic example in itself.

There was a spiritual master and a student; they were going from one village to another. The student loved to question everything the teacher said, and test him in all his teachings. They were talking about destiny and power of will. As they were passing by a little plant, the student said “take this plant for example, what is its destiny? Will it live or will it die?” So the teacher sat and meditated on it for a few minutes, after which he determined the plant’s destiny was to live!  The student of course pulled out the plant and threw it away. The teacher did not say anything, they walked in silence, soon after it started raining heavily, and pouring – so much so that mud was gathering in the puddles and being washed away with the running water. After couple of days the rain cleared up and the teacher and student were coming back to their village through same route. They came across the plant again – however during the rain storm, the mud was pushed around the plant roots and the rain (as heavy as it was) had packed the ground around it. The plant was standing tall. The teacher said “look, there is the plant and it is alive. When I meditated on it, it had such a strong will to live, I knew that you will pull it off the ground to prove me wrong but I had the confidence in the will of the plant and I knew it would live.” In this case the plant’s will was so strong to live, stronger than the students will to have it perish. Thus the whole universe moved and came in its support and created conditions to allow it to live. If the will of a plant to survive can move the whole universe then imagine what can the will of a human being do.

The powerful massage in this story – to have the will and the whole universe would come running to your rescue. Miracle of the will would take place and everybody would come to share the Joy.

The power of will forms our destiny in the end.